Football season is almost over, but before I can let it go, I'd like to air a few of my grievances with it. I know that roughly zero people who have anything to do with the NFL are reading this, but that's the not the point, is it? The point is Scott Hanson stinks.
Seriously, he is the worst host who has ever hosted anything and I'm counting Whoopi at the Oscars. For those not in the know, Hanson is the annoying presence on the NFL Network's Red Zone Channel. This channel shows all the touchdowns and game coverage commercial-free on Sundays.
Without enumerating because I'm annoyed by all these things equally, here are his most offensive traits:
- He stutters noticeably
- He uses 200 words to say "...and he scores!"
- He injects useless and uninteresting trivia which slows down the play-by-play commentary to an unnerving level
- He blinks too much
- He lies and gets facts wrong
- His suit sleeves are too short
While I would tolerate some of these characteristics in a normal, everyday person, I can do no such thing with someone who is on the air for six hours straight on a channel that would otherwise be fan freaking tastic.
Now I wasn't passive with my dislike of Hanson's hosting skills. I wrote the NFL Network a strongly-worded letter a few weeks back and I have no doubt they're considering his abysmal performance over the course of the season and hiring someone who knows when to shut up. No need to thank me for being the squeaky wheel.
Jesus I wrote some really long sentences up there. I'll try for shorter ones for the rest of this diatribe.
So what else peeves me about my favorite professional sport? A great majority of the players speak in the second person on topics that no regular person could ever relate to. It bothers me because I'm anal as hell, but also because it's a really dumb way to speak. Just say "I" instead of "you" because you're talking about you, not me. Am I right? I know I am.
I thought I had other things that got stuck up my butt, but I'm not feeling it right now. This coming weekend is the last football-mania weekend until September. There are only 2 conference championship games next weekend compared to the 4 divisional games this weekend. I'm not ready to find things to do with my sudden free time on Sundays, but I'll have no choice, I guess. That's why I pay for the NFL Network year-round. So I don't have to really let go.